Jan 12 Some Thoughts

MY PLACEMENT
Today was terrible! The kids were mad crazy. They all cried at some point and there are like 25 of them! They kept hitting each other and stealing things from each other. They would not listen to me at all or cooperate. Its so difficult because I already don’t speak much Hindi at all so I can’t rally them, but today they were so much worse than usual. I gave them worksheets I had made for a game but they didn’t understand the intent they just wanted to color. I gave up and let them color, trying to say the colors to them in Hindi over and over (since that is my theme) but then they started ripping up the paper and throwing it everywhere. They screamed and screamed and ran around and didn’t listen to anything. I left more exhausted than I felt in the hospital! I was so tired. Usually I end up staying past 12 but today I left at 5 til because I couldn’t take it anymore. Bella is going to have Sunil (my driver) come in with me to help me get the kids settled down and to translate. Hopefully this will work better. I’m desperate. I really want to make a difference at my placement. I already feel a bit disappointed because I only get to work there for 2 hours, but now I feel useless because I can’t teach them anything! I’m not going to give up though I am working for a solution.

INTERVIEW WITH JAGGI

I also spoke with Jaggi, the second in command for CCS India. I did not ask him too much because I am going to talk to the director, Bella, but I asked him some questions about how CCS works. I mostly talked to him about setting up the appointment with me to meet with the head of Mobile Creches and another NGO. He is going to let me know soon what will work best.

SOME THOUGHTS

Indian culture… what is Indian culture? This is a question that cannot be easily answered. In fact there is no way to generalize. India is like many countries in one. It is full of contradictions and it is very complex. Each region has a different language and different customs as well as different types of food. Plus within each region there is much diversity in areas like religion and behavior. I will only get a picture of a part of Indian culture and society because even people who live here for their whole life do not know about everything. It’s funny because most of the volunteers here say that part of their motivation for coming was to experience and learn about the culture, but it can be easy to miss.

It is easy to look at what’s around you and generalize or fail to see the reality of it. I get up everyday in my cold apartment and take a cold shower and then get ready for work. On the way (the car ride takes at least 30 minutes sometimes longer) I see what is difficult to explain… this is a different world. It’s not like the U.S. It does not look the same at all. The streets are filled with cars and tons of other vehicles which do not drive in the lines but fill in every single space in mass organized chaos. The very edge of the streets are lined with food stands, shops, people walking and working, tents where people live, people doing assorted things like giving haircuts, tons of trash litters the ground, the people are so close to the street I am constantly surprised that they don’t get hit often, there is lots of construction… the city is so dirty. There is not a nice building. Everything is weathered and aged. It’s like going to a bad neighborhood which is a total mess- except there is no way out. You can’t exit into another part of the town. It doesn’t end. The entire city is the same. And from what I understand the capital is better than the rest of the country. It’s the whole country. I just don’t believe it. Sometimes when I am driving to and from my placement I think: I want a break from this place. I mean there has to be a part that not… this. A break from this for just an hour. But theres not. There is no break. There is no escape. Sometimes it’s exciting, but sometimes it’s depressing.

Today a woman spoke with us about women’s issues in India. She reiterated some of the themes that the professor had discussed. Namely, India is full of contradiction and complexity. The mix of modern and traditional is clear, but what does modernity actually mean? What is development and what is progress? Both stoutly defended their country, even belittling Western culture in some ways. She wisely pointed out that if the entire world had the living standard of the United States everything would collapse. It is simply not possible. Our commercial and consumer driven society relies on being parasitic in some sense. Though this is an interesting point, it is not wise to simply villianize the U.S.. She was highly critical of many actions taken by the U.S., declaring them to be irresponsible. I also find it frustrating that many Americans (and other Westerners) live without regard to how their actions and lifestyles affect others or the environment; as well as how these governments at times act as if they are gods. Still, it is incorrect to blame Americans. Just as Indians see the poverty around them each day and those of higher castes are not too concerned with those who have less than them- they simply accept it as a fact and move on knowing they can’t help every person; Americans live with lots of wealth surrounding them and they accept this. They act accordingly. I know that there are people here in India who have absolutely nothing and when I go home my lifestyle can change some, but I will not choose to live in a shack just because I know of what is happening around the world. I may give more money and make lifestyle changes, but since I live there I will act as Americans do. I will buy a house with central heating and air conditioning, I will buy the clothing that I like and I will still treat myself to a Starbucks coffee every now and then. Like Indians, Americans get used to the situation around them and act accordingly. Most do not know of the immense wealth they have. The things they do and see are ordinary to them. Its an interesting thought. Simply by virtue of where you happen to be born in the world will affect to a great degree the lifestyle you will live.

I have realized that it is not true to assume that “these Indian people” are poor and destitute simply because they live differently. Many do struggle through life, much more than in the U.S., yet material goods are not the way that happiness is measured. As the woman today said, “many are rich other ways.” Many here do struggle to survive, but others have enough without much extra and seem okay with the way things are for them. These thoughts may not seem significant or even to make much sense to you, but this is me processing what I see and experience. I don’t think it will all really click in my mind until I get back home.