Jan 6- A Difficult Day

Today has been a long rollercoaster. I am writing around 630 pm on wed while many of you in the US are just getting up or are still sleeping. Wednesday is just starting for you (8 am). I slept for the first time a full night’s sleep which is good because today was eventful!


I have moments here where I am shocked beyond belief and I just can’t understand what’s going on around me and other moments where this just feels like another place. The normalness of the way things are here is striking. I’ve seen lots of pictures of poverty and the “less fortunate” but that cannot prepare you for what it is like to experience India. Unlike those pictures the people here are not desolate and sad-looking. They do not sit around with big sad eyes feeling hopeless. Things are definitely different here. People do sleep beside the streets in tents, children do walk around without shoes, and in some places conditions are unbearable and terrible, but here the people go about their normal routine. They do not find these things odd. It seems that many have at least the basic necessities, but even many of those who don’t go about their life and get by. This is life for them. The normalcy is what is most striking to me. From birth they see these things and do not find them odd.

Today I had a moment on the way to work where I had to bite my lip to keep from crying. Even now my eyes are watering. Two precious children came up beside our car while we were stuck in traffic. They were standing in the very small space between the cars and the thin median of the highway. A little girl with pigtails, a dirty face and clothing, and a beautiful smile came up to the window. She giggled and smiled like she was doing the most fun thing ever. Her brother, also very cute, had a green hat with a string that had an object at the end. He had a mustache and eyebrows drawn on his face and he bobbed his head to make the object on the string spin like a helicopter blade. We (a car full of girls) awed at how cute and innocent they were. Then they began to beg for money, knocking on our windows with their tiny hands. That’s when I almost started crying. I had to ignore the soft knocking. The CCS staff told us not to give any money. When children beg for money its almost always for criminal activity. People will kidnap children and force or pay them to beg for them. After this we turned into one of the sites of Mobile Creches to drop off some volunteers and I saw a little boy standing in the middle of the mud and construction materials barefoot, chewing on a burlap bag. No parent in sight. There were other barefooted children walking to the NGO shack where my fellow volunteers would be working. I can’t explain to you how they looked. Wow. I got to my own site where the dirty children were so excited to see that I had returned.

Today was a bit intimidating. I just cannot understand the women in charge because they know no English and I feel so helpless when they talk to me. Tomorrow Jackie and I have to plan our own lesson but I’m afraid it wont go well. These children do not listen! They are wild. I am with 3 to 5 year olds and when I tell them to “Ek, Do, Teen, Leekho” (“write 1, 2, 3”) on their blackboards like the teacher instructed me to do they just draw all over it or erase the numbers I have written. Then they shout “Didi, Didi!” which is what they call me and proudly show me their work hoping to see a look of approval at their masterpiece. I shouldn’t approve of their disobedience but they are so eager for approval that I cannot help but smile and nod my head. They run crazy and shout in Hindi. I have already said “Bat Jao” and “mat maro” (“sit down” and “don’t hit”) numerous times!

This afternoon after lunch I came back to my room feeling homesick for the first time. I lay on my bed wishing I was back at Wofford taking an interim class on campus like usual with my friends. I have only been staying at my volunteer site for 2 hours so I felt like I am not helping much. I wished I had a room with central heating and a nice shower. I felt discouraged so I kept telling myself that I am only here 3 weeks so I can’t let discouragement get in the way of this adventure. I’ve paid so much to get here I have to make the most of it. For several years now I have said over and over again that I want to work with the people who are most in need in the places where there is the most suffering. I have told countless people that I am passionate about working with people in need and that one day I want to work overseas in a place like India. Now I am here doing what I’ve dreamt of being able to do for so long. Despite my permanent headache and the inconveniences of living here I have to remember that this isn’t about me.

Also, after our Hindi lesson we had another guest speaker who may be a good resource for my project. An Indian man lectured us about Indian history and culture. Most people were bored but I was fascinated! I enjoyed the entire hour and a half! He taught international politics which is my concentration at Wofford. Professor Aswini Ray who is now retired was an interesting man who noted many of the paradoxical elements of India. He emphasized that it is a continuous, long-standing civilization (unlike that of the “immigrated societies” of the US and much of the world) which has deeply embedded historical memories and traditions. It is not easy for change to take place in a society like this. There are many things here which do not seem rational but these come from logical sources which are slow to be changed. Today there is a very interesting mix of traditional and modern elements. He advised us not to dismiss the unfamiliar as irrational.

He told us that India has been rated as one of the most corrupt governments in the world. The politicians and democracy are criminalized and decaying. As a consequence violence is rising. Still, he held out hope for democracy, noting that civil society has become vibrant and enormous, playing an important role that the government cannot fill. There are powerful movem.ents such as the women’s movement, and movements of disadvantaged people like the Dalits (untouchables). NGOs play an important role by providing services that the state does not and cannot provide.

Listening to him speak got me more excited about my project and started giving me more ideas. For some reason it was encouraging for me. I feel much better now than I did this afternoon. I’m sitting with two of my American friends, Heather and Jake, writing our blogs together. They are pretty cool.

This is my room which i share with 2 Australian girls:

This is my shower: